Breaking the Silence

I knew adoption would be hard. The waiting, the anticipation, the unknown, the ups and downs and back and forth, not to mention the reality of then raising those kids you journeyed so long and hard to get to. Every adoption journey is different. Every journey to your kids, whether through adoption or birth, is different. Each story has its own twists and turns.

We are currently living in one of those twists and turns on the road. Maybe it is one we should have or could have seen coming, but we didn’t and here we are.

Back when we decided to start the adoption process we had a version of our life in mind. We were going to start the process while Aubrey finished grad school and then Aubrey would work the business. It sounded like a good plan and it probably would have been, but it would not have been the right plan.

A few months into the adoption process due to a series of unforeseen events we sat back and re-evaluated. These events allowed, or more like, forced us to realize that we had come up with this awesome plan on our own instead of listening to what our Father’s plan for our life was. Once we realized that we started to listen, pray, and discern what to do next.

We were reminded that Aubrey started seminary because of a call into ministry and it was time to get back on track with that. Because he was so close to finishing seminary and the rest of the classes could be finished online we started looking for full time ministry jobs. When we made the decision to look for jobs in ministry we knew that meant, very likely, a scenario in which we would not be living in Eau Claire. Because all of the jobs that we looked at were out of state we made the decision to put the adoption process on hold. It didn’t make sense for their time or ours to continue if we moved and had to start over completely. It broke my heart to put it on pause and has continued to break my heart every day since.

So, that is where we are right now. On pause. With everything. We are still actively looking for the full time ministry job we believe God has for Aubrey, wherever that may be. We still have our adoption process on hold. We are still walking forward in faith that God’s plan is perfect.

Well…most days. Honestly there are some days where it seems easy to rest in his promises and others where I feel confused and sad. Days where I know it doesn’t feel like it but that we are working towards our kids by finding where we are supposed to be and others where I feel overwhelmed by the feeling that we aren’t making any progress.  

Adoption is hard. Life is hard. Following God’s plan is hard. But not following God’s plan is harder. So we take one step at a time.

I apologize for the absence of updates. Honestly it took me a long time to finally feel like I could write this post and then a little while longer before I could post it. Thank you for your continued prayers. Please continue to pray for our kids, wherever they are and however they will come to us, that God would lead us to them in his perfect timing. Pray that we would find the job God has for Aubrey. Pray for patience on this twist and turn in our journey. And as usual… stay tuned for updates. Hopefully sooner rather than later.