Stevie - Nine Months

Nine whole months. I carried you around for nine months and it felt like we would never get to meet you and somehow nine months of your life has already gone by! You weigh 18.5 lbs! This has been a busy month for you. You made your first cross-country road trip to see Pa and Grandma in Louisiana! We upgraded you to a convertible car seat for the ride and you did great. We drove through South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas - Whew! What a great tour of the south! You got a cold and Pa and Grandma's house that was no fun at all, but you were a trooper and got to spend a lot of time cuddling with Pa and Grandma, which they loved. We got to see aunts and uncles and cousins and so many fun animals on Pa's farm! You loved to push his little turtle, Clyde around the living room. You didn't eat much for your first thanksgiving but you did try some of Grandma's yummy broccoli cheese casserole. You loved grandma's pound cake as well! On top of a terrible cold you were teething and finally, your two bottom teeth broke through!!! After a fun week in Louisiana, we said see you later to Daddy and hitched a ride with Uncle Jordy to Texas to spend the week with Taytay, Scott, Molly, and Cooper! Everybody was a little under the weather but we still had a fun time playing. You loved to watch Molly play and were so intrigued by Cooper, who was also intrigued by you! We got to have a fun play day with Keke as well - you  had your first bite of ice cream - which you were a huge fan of. We spent the last two nights with Coco and Ken and got to see Mallary, Remi, Drew, Nene, and Papa which was so so fun! Then we flew to Kansas City to see Bo and Lodie! You did great on the flight and were so excited to see Bo and Lodie. The first night at Bo and Lodie's you took your first steps while we facetimed with Daddy - it was perfect. You are working hard on walking and in honor of your nine month birthday you decided to really walk! We got a great video of you taking so many steps! You get so excited about it that you try to run and fall down a lot... but you are so proud of yourself when you figure it out - we will be chasing you around in no time. You love to clap and huff. You go around saying, Bo all the time and will look at him when we say his name... no fair, but still cute! You love to play with walk-behind toys, measuring spoons and cups, and baby dolls. We had your second trip to the emergency room this month in Kansas City with an ear infection - poor baby. Got on an antibiotic  (which you LOVE) and you returned to your happy self. Saw your first snow, as we were going to the ER... so you weren't that excited about it... You love to eat and have tried so many new things this month. Olives are still your favorite but you have also tried pound cake, pancakes, waffles, ice cream pie, banana pie, and so much more (Clearly we have been visiting grandparents!) You will eat just about anything we give you. You have started to cry when people walk out of the room. You can do a pretty impressive pouty face that breaks our hearts. You have seen so many people on this big trip and they have all loved you - of course!  Your little personality is so great. You are brave, observant, inquisitive, kind, and joyful. You have such big feelings! We are working on sign language and you are doing great! You do 'more' a lot - especially when food is concerned. We love to the moon and back Stevie Tay, we love watching you grow and learn!

 Our big walker!

Stevie - Seven Months

Sweet girl, you are seven months old! You weigh 15.8lbs You are so busy with everything. You are crawling, sitting, pulling up on things, and beginning to cruise around on things. You are so determined to figure out how to stand on your own and walk. Your little personality is starting to show and its so fun. You are determined and so strong. You get frustrated when you can't do things yet but you don't get discouraged. You are brave and when you fall you get up and keep trying. You practice and practice until you figure things out. You are generally pretty happy but sometimes your feelings get hurt and you get the biggest frown on your face. We love walking in after a nap to see you standing in your crib with a big smile on your face! You love to play with and pet Fitz. Family walks are one of our favorite things to do. You love to be outside and see everything! You are still a great eater and are learning to feed yourself! You love everything you eat and reach for Mommy and Daddy's food all the time. You are a wiggle worm which makes diaper changes a challenge! You love bath time even more now that you can sit up and play with toys! You love when Daddy gets home from work and crawl toward the door to greet him with the biggest smiles. Your sense of humor is the best and we love to make you laugh! It is so fun to watch to learn and grow!

 So busy!

She's off! 

Too many things to do to lay on her back...!

Stevie - Five Months

So many firsts this past month! You are growing so much. You weigh 14lbs. You had your first big trip when you and Mommy flew to see Bo and Lodie! You did so great on the planes and were such a happy girl smiling at everyone. You had so much fun at Bo and Lodie's! You swam, swung with Lodie, read books, and just played and played. You missed your daddy but gave him lots of smiles and laughs over FaceTime. Dr. Sam suggested to see how you did with solid foods and hesaid he thought you were going to love them...I don't know how he knew but you are such a great eater! You took to it right away and have never looked back! Lots of first foods this month: rice cereal, zucchini, avocado, green beans, bananas, pears, sweet potato, and butternut squash! You love them all! You have definitely found your voice and love to scream - for no reason at all. You can be SO loud. Oh my! You are determined to crawl and are so so close. You scoot everywhere right now but are sure there's a better way to get around. We're going to be chasing you before we know it. Fitz is still one of your favorite things. You love to watch him and just laugh and laugh. Now that you are scooting you are determined to play with him...he's not so sure how he feels about you being mobile yet....! You are close to sitting up and mommy and daddy are determined to help you learn that, but you'd rather practice crawling! You are loving Sophie the giraffe and chew on her all day...teeth are probably coming soon. You still love to jump, jump, jump but also love to play with toys while you scoot around. Your personality is starting to shine through and you are so sweet and have so much determination to learn new things! We love you sweet girl.

Stevie - Four Months

Exactly one year ago today we found out you were on your way and today you are Four months old! What a difference a year makes! You are growing and learning so much. You weigh 12lbs 10oz and are 24 inches long! We love to watch you explore and figure things out. When you are trying to figure something out you concentrate so hard and try and try again. You are really working hard to be able to put your pacifier back in your mouth - which mom and dad are rooting for! You also love to try to help hold your bottle, which for now is not so helpful! You are a rock star sleeper and sleep through the night in your crib now. You worked so hard and finally figured out how to roll from your back to your tummy and its your favorite trick. No more swaddles for you because you are a busy girl when you sleep! You love to roll back and forth, back and forth, but most of the time end up sleeping on your tummy. You now sleep in your little sleep sack and you love it. You had your first pool fun this month and were a fan of the water. You love love love your jumper and are getting really good at jumping in it! You love to watch Fitz and always smile and laugh at him. We love to make you giggle and squeal and whenever daddy "gets" your tummy you always do! You actually love to squeal more than giggle - you always make us laugh. You love your pop up toy, even if you do get frustrated with it sometimes. You are getting so close to sitting up on your own and love to be propped up on you boppy or sit up in your bumbo. We can't wait to see what this next month brings! We love you sweet girl!

 

Waves

In the exhaustion, excitement, stress, and wonder of the first three months with our girl there are moments when waves of grief wash over me as well. Grief for our other children. Sometimes these moments are fast and furious and sometimes the feelings hang over my day.

Today, as a new wave of grief washed over me a wave of anger and guilt came too. Anger that our original "plan" wasn't right. Guilt that by having Stevie we abandoned the other kids God has for us. Lies that I am tempted to believe at times.

As I sometimes do, I spent some time looking at the children sitting in the system in South Carolina. Waiting. 5 pages of beautiful children just seeking a loving family. I thought back to the many other times I have looked through pages of children's pictures. So many times in Wisconsin, where we thought our family would begin. So many other states as we searched for what God had next for us. North Carolina when we first moved here. Now South Carolina in the anticipation of our move there next spring. My heart was broken once again and my burden renewed for our kids.

I am about to finish filling a journal that I have been writing in for over 2 years now. I was flipping back through old prayers and thoughts and found this from October 7, 2014:
     ' Guide us to our kids, Father. We want to parent the kids you have for us. That is all we want. Protect our hearts from human desires. It is not about perception or what others think - its about your plan and desires. Forgive us when we get caught up in worldly lies and misconceptions. Spirit, help us to focus on your heart for our family.'

That is my prayer again today.

A reminder that what other people say or think does. not. matter. Even when people don't understand or question what God has called us to through church planting and the major changes that has had on our family - moving, delaying adoption, having Stevie, and one more move in store - all of it is in his hands. God brought us Stevie in his perfect time and he will bring us our other kids in his perfect time and we don't want it any other way.

Playing It is well by Bethel Music on repeat lately...

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well it is well with my soul

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.

Baby Hogan Nursery

While we are playing the waiting game I thought I would share some pictures of the nursery now that everything is done!

I had a lot of fun dreaming and seeing it all come together. Its just how I hoped it would be. We can't wait to bring home our sweet girl to this sweet nursery!

 

Some of my favorite details...

 

 My mom found this map and it brought everything together. Sweet soft colors, animals and the sense of adventure that maps bring. The bottom of it says, "Compassion for the world and all who inhabit it"

We knew we wanted this verse represented somewhere in the nursery. I love having it displayed with this elephant hook that hung in my Mimi's kitchen. 

Of course our love of maps and globes spilled over into the nursery!

This bunny was the initial inspiration for the whole nursery. My sweet friend Keeley gave this to me years ago and I knew that if I got to decorate a nursery one day that this would be the inspiration behind it all! 

This sweet guy was one of the things I grabbed years ago after I had been inspired by the bunny picture!

Our bags are packed! We are ready to meet our sweet girl any day now!