Stevie - Seven Months

Sweet girl, you are seven months old! You weigh 15.8lbs You are so busy with everything. You are crawling, sitting, pulling up on things, and beginning to cruise around on things. You are so determined to figure out how to stand on your own and walk. Your little personality is starting to show and its so fun. You are determined and so strong. You get frustrated when you can't do things yet but you don't get discouraged. You are brave and when you fall you get up and keep trying. You practice and practice until you figure things out. You are generally pretty happy but sometimes your feelings get hurt and you get the biggest frown on your face. We love walking in after a nap to see you standing in your crib with a big smile on your face! You love to play with and pet Fitz. Family walks are one of our favorite things to do. You love to be outside and see everything! You are still a great eater and are learning to feed yourself! You love everything you eat and reach for Mommy and Daddy's food all the time. You are a wiggle worm which makes diaper changes a challenge! You love bath time even more now that you can sit up and play with toys! You love when Daddy gets home from work and crawl toward the door to greet him with the biggest smiles. Your sense of humor is the best and we love to make you laugh! It is so fun to watch to learn and grow!

 So busy!

She's off! 

Too many things to do to lay on her back...!

Stevie - Six Months

6 whole months. Happy half birthday sweet girl. You are growing so fast. You weigh 14lbs 11oz and are 26 inches long! You have mastered crawling and are so busy exploring. You are so so close to sitting up - and we can't wait! The day after you mastered crawling you turned your eyes upward and started trying to pull up on things. Slow down! You are so determined to master everything so soon. You work hard and relentlessly to learn new things. You still love to eat and can hold your own bottle now! Mommy loves making all your food and you love eating it. You chat a lot and are starting to make out some noises like baba, dada, and mama, but still no words. You love to blow bubbles with your lips. You are teething pretty bad, but still no teeth - you chew on anything you can though. You still love to laugh and we still love to hear it. Your squeals and laughter are the best. You love to lounge on your side, which cracks us up! You are also trying out some yoga with some downward dog poses...! Your favorite toys are your blocks, computer, and musical ones. You love to rock to the music! You are still a great sleeper and napper. You take 3 naps a day and are in a pretty good routine for eating, playing, and napping. You love to grab our noses and faces. Our favorite time of night is pajama time when we read and sing you to sleep. I love those sleepy moments with you cuddled in my arms singing. You love to read and will go and pull books off the shelf or out of your basket so we can read! We love to watch you learn and explore. Everyday we think we couldn't possibly love you any more, and then you laugh, or giggle, or smile and our hearts explode with even more love. We love you so so much sweet girl.

Stevie - Five Months

So many firsts this past month! You are growing so much. You weigh 14lbs. You had your first big trip when you and Mommy flew to see Bo and Lodie! You did so great on the planes and were such a happy girl smiling at everyone. You had so much fun at Bo and Lodie's! You swam, swung with Lodie, read books, and just played and played. You missed your daddy but gave him lots of smiles and laughs over FaceTime. Dr. Sam suggested to see how you did with solid foods and hesaid he thought you were going to love them...I don't know how he knew but you are such a great eater! You took to it right away and have never looked back! Lots of first foods this month: rice cereal, zucchini, avocado, green beans, bananas, pears, sweet potato, and butternut squash! You love them all! You have definitely found your voice and love to scream - for no reason at all. You can be SO loud. Oh my! You are determined to crawl and are so so close. You scoot everywhere right now but are sure there's a better way to get around. We're going to be chasing you before we know it. Fitz is still one of your favorite things. You love to watch him and just laugh and laugh. Now that you are scooting you are determined to play with him...he's not so sure how he feels about you being mobile yet....! You are close to sitting up and mommy and daddy are determined to help you learn that, but you'd rather practice crawling! You are loving Sophie the giraffe and chew on her all day...teeth are probably coming soon. You still love to jump, jump, jump but also love to play with toys while you scoot around. Your personality is starting to shine through and you are so sweet and have so much determination to learn new things! We love you sweet girl.

Stevie - Four Months

Exactly one year ago today we found out you were on your way and today you are Four months old! What a difference a year makes! You are growing and learning so much. You weigh 12lbs 10oz and are 24 inches long! We love to watch you explore and figure things out. When you are trying to figure something out you concentrate so hard and try and try again. You are really working hard to be able to put your pacifier back in your mouth - which mom and dad are rooting for! You also love to try to help hold your bottle, which for now is not so helpful! You are a rock star sleeper and sleep through the night in your crib now. You worked so hard and finally figured out how to roll from your back to your tummy and its your favorite trick. No more swaddles for you because you are a busy girl when you sleep! You love to roll back and forth, back and forth, but most of the time end up sleeping on your tummy. You now sleep in your little sleep sack and you love it. You had your first pool fun this month and were a fan of the water. You love love love your jumper and are getting really good at jumping in it! You love to watch Fitz and always smile and laugh at him. We love to make you giggle and squeal and whenever daddy "gets" your tummy you always do! You actually love to squeal more than giggle - you always make us laugh. You love your pop up toy, even if you do get frustrated with it sometimes. You are getting so close to sitting up on your own and love to be propped up on you boppy or sit up in your bumbo. We can't wait to see what this next month brings! We love you sweet girl!

 

Waves

In the exhaustion, excitement, stress, and wonder of the first three months with our girl there are moments when waves of grief wash over me as well. Grief for our other children. Sometimes these moments are fast and furious and sometimes the feelings hang over my day.

Today, as a new wave of grief washed over me a wave of anger and guilt came too. Anger that our original "plan" wasn't right. Guilt that by having Stevie we abandoned the other kids God has for us. Lies that I am tempted to believe at times.

As I sometimes do, I spent some time looking at the children sitting in the system in South Carolina. Waiting. 5 pages of beautiful children just seeking a loving family. I thought back to the many other times I have looked through pages of children's pictures. So many times in Wisconsin, where we thought our family would begin. So many other states as we searched for what God had next for us. North Carolina when we first moved here. Now South Carolina in the anticipation of our move there next spring. My heart was broken once again and my burden renewed for our kids.

I am about to finish filling a journal that I have been writing in for over 2 years now. I was flipping back through old prayers and thoughts and found this from October 7, 2014:
     ' Guide us to our kids, Father. We want to parent the kids you have for us. That is all we want. Protect our hearts from human desires. It is not about perception or what others think - its about your plan and desires. Forgive us when we get caught up in worldly lies and misconceptions. Spirit, help us to focus on your heart for our family.'

That is my prayer again today.

A reminder that what other people say or think does. not. matter. Even when people don't understand or question what God has called us to through church planting and the major changes that has had on our family - moving, delaying adoption, having Stevie, and one more move in store - all of it is in his hands. God brought us Stevie in his perfect time and he will bring us our other kids in his perfect time and we don't want it any other way.

Playing It is well by Bethel Music on repeat lately...

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well it is well with my soul

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.

Stevie - Three Months

Stevie, these last three months with you have flown by and yet it seems like you have always been a part of our lives. You have grown so much. You weigh 11.8lbs. You love to sit in your bumbo and use your legs to jump up and down in our laps. You are beginning to try to sit yourself up! You love tummy time and can roll from your tummy to your back. You started sleeping through the night this month! We live to hear you laugh and see you smile. You discovered your voice and love to hear yourself talk, coo, and occasionally let out a fun scream or squeal! Before and after your naps you spend a lot of time talking and smiling at your ceiling fan! You have become so much more aware of the world around you and love to look at everything. You notice Fitz when he is around you and always stare so intently trying to figure him out. You are beginning to notice your feet and think they are pretty fascinating. You are beginning to grab at things you are interested in and are getting pretty good at holding things. You laugh when we sneeze, make silly faces, or make silly noises. You love to read and smile at the pictures in the books. You moved up to size 2 diapers and can wear all your 0-3 months, 3 months, and 3-6 months clothes! You started taking naps in your crib and we are working on getting you to sleep in there all the time - maybe by next month! You are our smart, strong, and beautiful girl and we love every minute with you!