I knew adoption would be hard. The waiting, the
anticipation, the unknown, the ups and downs and back and forth, not to mention
the reality of then raising those kids you journeyed so long and hard to get
to. Every adoption journey is different. Every journey to your kids, whether
through adoption or birth, is different. Each story has its own twists and
turns.
We are currently living in one of those twists and turns on
the road. Maybe it is one we should have or could have seen coming, but we didn’t
and here we are.
Back when we decided to start the adoption process we had a
version of our life in mind. We were going to start the process while Aubrey
finished grad school and then Aubrey would work the business. It sounded like a
good plan and it probably would have been, but it would not have been the right plan.
A few months into the adoption process due to a series of unforeseen
events we sat back and re-evaluated. These events allowed, or more like, forced
us to realize that we had come up with this awesome plan on our own instead of
listening to what our Father’s plan for our life was. Once we realized that we
started to listen, pray, and discern what to do next.
We were reminded that Aubrey started seminary because of a
call into ministry and it was time to get back on track with that. Because he
was so close to finishing seminary and the rest of the classes could be
finished online we started looking for full time ministry jobs. When we made
the decision to look for jobs in ministry we knew that meant, very likely, a
scenario in which we would not be living in Eau Claire. Because all of the jobs
that we looked at were out of state we made the decision to put the adoption
process on hold. It didn’t make sense for their time or ours to continue if we
moved and had to start over completely. It broke my heart to put it on pause
and has continued to break my heart every day since.
So, that is where we are right now. On pause. With
everything. We are still actively looking for the full time ministry job we
believe God has for Aubrey, wherever that may be. We still have our adoption
process on hold. We are still walking forward in faith that God’s plan is
perfect.
Well…most days. Honestly there are some days where it seems
easy to rest in his promises and others where I feel confused and sad. Days
where I know it doesn’t feel like it but that we are working towards our kids
by finding where we are supposed to be and others where I feel overwhelmed by
the feeling that we aren’t making any progress.
Adoption is hard. Life is hard. Following God’s plan is hard.
But not following God’s plan is harder. So we take one step at a time.
I apologize for the absence of updates. Honestly it took me
a long time to finally feel like I could write this post and then a little
while longer before I could post it. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Please continue to pray for our kids, wherever they are and however they will
come to us, that God would lead us to them in his perfect timing. Pray that we
would find the job God has for Aubrey. Pray for patience on this twist and turn
in our journey. And as usual… stay tuned for updates. Hopefully sooner rather than
later.
