2014

As 2014 comes to an end I can’t help but reflect back on the end of 2013 and all that we hoped 2014 would hold.

2014 was a wild and crazy one for us. With many ups and downs and round and rounds I am somewhat ready to see it behind us. However, 2014 was a formative year. It was a year that forced Aubrey and I to draw closer to each other and closer to our Father and caused us to lay our hopes, dreams, and expectations at God’s feet in new and at times painful ways and reminded us, once again, that his plan and his timing is perfect. Years like that are usually hard but important ones in your life.

However, this year along with all the pain and confusion brought so much joy. Though Aubrey and I had hoped 2014 would be the year our kids came home we instead were given another year with just the two of us. As painful as it was at times it also brought with it so many opportunities. So, instead of anguishing in broken expectations we were able to celebrate and relish our time together.

I went to Europe. For TWO weeks. It was an amazing trip that I will never forget.

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We were BOTH in Grad school this year.

We took time off to help my parents move across the country.

We got a puppy!

We were able to take last minute trips when family passed away.

We went to the movies… a LOT.

I made the trip to Louisiana for Keeley’s wedding!

I spent a week with Tay and was there to celebrate Molly June’s 1^st birthday.

We made our annual Thanksgiving trip and spent 4 hours in the middle of nowhere Minnesota with car troubles.

All these things and so much more were reminders that God is still in control and that his plan is perfect. So many of the trips we were able to go on were unexpected and last minute trips that would have looked so different with kids in tow. (Not that we won’t gladly step into the chaos of traveling with kids when the time comes!)

This year taught us so much about patience, prayer, and being able to rest where you are and we hope to carry those lessons with us into 2015 and beyond. Yes, we have hopes and dreams about this year, but we are holding loosely to those and starting the year by laying them at God’s feet. We are praying that this year would be what he desires it to be and until our kids do come home we are going to enjoy our time with each other.

Holidays

This Holiday season has been a lot harder than I ever would have imagined. It is filled with time with loved ones, tradition, and many reminders that our kids are still not home.

Our Christmas cards last year announced our exciting news to family and friends and now a year has gone by. A hard, long, exhausting, and confusing year.

Last Halloween as we carved pumpkins with friends I thought, maybe next year we will carve pumpkins with our kids.

Last Fall when we took our family pictures to use for our adoption announcements I thought, maybe the next set of family pictures will have a few little ones added.

Last year during our annual Thanksgiving road trip I thought, this trip might be crazy next year with kids in tow.

Last Christmas I woke up Christmas morning overwhelmed with a deep hope and prayer that next year our kids would be home for Christmas.

As these fun annual activities rolled around this year my heart was filled with sadness with the realization that a year had gone by since those hopes and wishes and a feeling that we weren't any closer to having are kids home with us.

This season has provided yet another opportunity for us to trust God. Trust that his plan is perfect, that he has not forgotten us or our children, that he is holding us all in his hands until we can hold each other. This year, as last year, my prayer is that this is the last holiday season without our kids but I am resting in the fact that God has it under control.

This is our prayer this holiday season:

Father, wherever our kids are this holiday season we pray they would feel safe and loved. Thank you for holding them while we can’t. Thank you for your perfect plan that will bring us together in your perfect time. Be with all of us this holiday season as we are apart and we pray that this would be the last holiday season we have to spend apart. Be with all those hurting this holiday season, help us to remember that amongst the joy that this season brings for many it bring pain. Help us to be your light and love to everyone we encounter as we celebrate the coming of your son.