New Directions

Direction. It's something you don't really think about that often unless it is missing from your life. This past year we have felt that void. It became clear that God was heading us in a new direction, but it was not clear where, when, or what it would look like.

Aubrey started looking for jobs a little over a year ago and as we prayed and explored what our future might hold the idea of church planting was planted and grew in our hearts.  This past week our direction was made clear.

Aubrey and I are thrilled, nervous, overwhelmed, sad, and excited to announce that we will be moving to Asheville, North Carolina to take part in a Church Planting Residency through North Asheville Baptist Church.We'd love for you to read all about it and how you can partner with us at tablecommunitychurch.com/blog

So, What does this mean for the adoption process? In short, we don't know right now. We hope to have a conversation with a social worker once we are in Asheville to discuss what that would look like. The complexity of our situation is that we know we will be moving again in two years as we launch the Church. Our plan is to follow God's leading one step at a time and for now that means focusing on getting packed up and moved to Asheville!

Thank you cannot begin to describe our feelings for those who have been praying with us through the twisting and turning of this job search. We are grateful for your partnership up to this point and hope you will continue to partner with us along this new adventure.

We will of course continue to keep this blog updated with news about the journey of our family and we would love for you to stay tuned through the church blog for updates about that process.

Thank you for your continued prayers as we step forward in this new direction!

2014

As 2014 comes to an end I can’t help but reflect back on the end of 2013 and all that we hoped 2014 would hold.

2014 was a wild and crazy one for us. With many ups and downs and round and rounds I am somewhat ready to see it behind us. However, 2014 was a formative year. It was a year that forced Aubrey and I to draw closer to each other and closer to our Father and caused us to lay our hopes, dreams, and expectations at God’s feet in new and at times painful ways and reminded us, once again, that his plan and his timing is perfect. Years like that are usually hard but important ones in your life.

However, this year along with all the pain and confusion brought so much joy. Though Aubrey and I had hoped 2014 would be the year our kids came home we instead were given another year with just the two of us. As painful as it was at times it also brought with it so many opportunities. So, instead of anguishing in broken expectations we were able to celebrate and relish our time together.

I went to Europe. For TWO weeks. It was an amazing trip that I will never forget.

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We were BOTH in Grad school this year.

We took time off to help my parents move across the country.

We got a puppy!

We were able to take last minute trips when family passed away.

We went to the movies… a LOT.

I made the trip to Louisiana for Keeley’s wedding!

I spent a week with Tay and was there to celebrate Molly June’s 1^st birthday.

We made our annual Thanksgiving trip and spent 4 hours in the middle of nowhere Minnesota with car troubles.

All these things and so much more were reminders that God is still in control and that his plan is perfect. So many of the trips we were able to go on were unexpected and last minute trips that would have looked so different with kids in tow. (Not that we won’t gladly step into the chaos of traveling with kids when the time comes!)

This year taught us so much about patience, prayer, and being able to rest where you are and we hope to carry those lessons with us into 2015 and beyond. Yes, we have hopes and dreams about this year, but we are holding loosely to those and starting the year by laying them at God’s feet. We are praying that this year would be what he desires it to be and until our kids do come home we are going to enjoy our time with each other.

Holidays

This Holiday season has been a lot harder than I ever would have imagined. It is filled with time with loved ones, tradition, and many reminders that our kids are still not home.

Our Christmas cards last year announced our exciting news to family and friends and now a year has gone by. A hard, long, exhausting, and confusing year.

Last Halloween as we carved pumpkins with friends I thought, maybe next year we will carve pumpkins with our kids.

Last Fall when we took our family pictures to use for our adoption announcements I thought, maybe the next set of family pictures will have a few little ones added.

Last year during our annual Thanksgiving road trip I thought, this trip might be crazy next year with kids in tow.

Last Christmas I woke up Christmas morning overwhelmed with a deep hope and prayer that next year our kids would be home for Christmas.

As these fun annual activities rolled around this year my heart was filled with sadness with the realization that a year had gone by since those hopes and wishes and a feeling that we weren't any closer to having are kids home with us.

This season has provided yet another opportunity for us to trust God. Trust that his plan is perfect, that he has not forgotten us or our children, that he is holding us all in his hands until we can hold each other. This year, as last year, my prayer is that this is the last holiday season without our kids but I am resting in the fact that God has it under control.

This is our prayer this holiday season:

Father, wherever our kids are this holiday season we pray they would feel safe and loved. Thank you for holding them while we can’t. Thank you for your perfect plan that will bring us together in your perfect time. Be with all of us this holiday season as we are apart and we pray that this would be the last holiday season we have to spend apart. Be with all those hurting this holiday season, help us to remember that amongst the joy that this season brings for many it bring pain. Help us to be your light and love to everyone we encounter as we celebrate the coming of your son. 

Breaking the Silence

I knew adoption would be hard. The waiting, the anticipation, the unknown, the ups and downs and back and forth, not to mention the reality of then raising those kids you journeyed so long and hard to get to. Every adoption journey is different. Every journey to your kids, whether through adoption or birth, is different. Each story has its own twists and turns.

We are currently living in one of those twists and turns on the road. Maybe it is one we should have or could have seen coming, but we didn’t and here we are.

Back when we decided to start the adoption process we had a version of our life in mind. We were going to start the process while Aubrey finished grad school and then Aubrey would work the business. It sounded like a good plan and it probably would have been, but it would not have been the right plan.

A few months into the adoption process due to a series of unforeseen events we sat back and re-evaluated. These events allowed, or more like, forced us to realize that we had come up with this awesome plan on our own instead of listening to what our Father’s plan for our life was. Once we realized that we started to listen, pray, and discern what to do next.

We were reminded that Aubrey started seminary because of a call into ministry and it was time to get back on track with that. Because he was so close to finishing seminary and the rest of the classes could be finished online we started looking for full time ministry jobs. When we made the decision to look for jobs in ministry we knew that meant, very likely, a scenario in which we would not be living in Eau Claire. Because all of the jobs that we looked at were out of state we made the decision to put the adoption process on hold. It didn’t make sense for their time or ours to continue if we moved and had to start over completely. It broke my heart to put it on pause and has continued to break my heart every day since.

So, that is where we are right now. On pause. With everything. We are still actively looking for the full time ministry job we believe God has for Aubrey, wherever that may be. We still have our adoption process on hold. We are still walking forward in faith that God’s plan is perfect.

Well…most days. Honestly there are some days where it seems easy to rest in his promises and others where I feel confused and sad. Days where I know it doesn’t feel like it but that we are working towards our kids by finding where we are supposed to be and others where I feel overwhelmed by the feeling that we aren’t making any progress.  

Adoption is hard. Life is hard. Following God’s plan is hard. But not following God’s plan is harder. So we take one step at a time.

I apologize for the absence of updates. Honestly it took me a long time to finally feel like I could write this post and then a little while longer before I could post it. Thank you for your continued prayers. Please continue to pray for our kids, wherever they are and however they will come to us, that God would lead us to them in his perfect timing. Pray that we would find the job God has for Aubrey. Pray for patience on this twist and turn in our journey. And as usual… stay tuned for updates. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Five Years

Today marks our FIVE year anniversary! I can't believe its been that long since we walked the aisle together. Every moment has been an adventure with my best friend and I am so grateful to get to walk through this crazy life with him. 

I promise we will break our blogging silence soon with LOTS of updates - sorry to be mysterous and ambiguous but once we have news worth sharing you will hear it. Lots of things have been and still are up in the air. I am ready to have something concrete to share but until then silence will remain. 

But for today we celebrate. We celebrate the ups and downs, the love, joy, laughter, and even arguments that got us here. What an adventure these past five years have been. 

Three apartments. 

One cross-country move

One business started. 

One house. 

Many friendships built

Many variations of hair styles!

One journey to our kids started...

All this and more equals five crazy, wonderful, blessed years of our life.

Here's to many many more to come!

ReMoved

Aubrey and I have our first home-study meeting scheduled for next Monday! Woo! But since we are in a slow phase of the process and since the home-study meetings are probably going to take a while for us to complete with life being so busy, I thought I would share an amazing short film I recently saw.

ReMoved was originally created for the 168 Film Festival and is a portrayal of a child's journey through the foster care system. It wrecked me the first (and every other) time I watched it, but I think its an important video as we try to understand what these kids have been through.

I hope you'll take the time to watch it! You can find it HERE

Thanks for your continued prayers for us and our kids through this journey!

Pictures

Since we are in a "boring" phase of the process right now (filling out paperwork) there isn't a lot to update y'all on...so here's some pictures to tide you over!

I have gotten a lot of compliments on and requests to see more of the pictures from our announcements, thanks! All credit goes to Molly Bailey who has taken our pictures every year for the past three or four years! We love working with her not only because she is a friend and super talented, but because of her heart for adoption. Thank you Molly for the beautiful pictures!

I guess we wont hog them all to ourselves anymore.. here is some more of her beautiful work from our adoption shoot! (I had a little bit too much fun with all the props!)

We can't wait to take our next set of family pictures, hopefully with a couple little ones running around too!